Sola otra vez
Es como una historia que ser repita cada otro mes
Que se puede hacer
Volver ha ser triste con esta pobrez.

       I don't know...why it seems like I have the worst luck in love.  I've learned from my mistakes, I did right, I just had one challenge left and still I failed... no matter how well I treated him, no matter how much I loved and cared for him, no matter HOW much I supported him, no matter HOW much I overlooked his flaws,  it STILL wasn't enough.  He gave up  on me.  Love was not enough and it discourages the hell out of me.

       Recently I had found out that one of my friends is pregnant.  It was a huge surprise with the history she had.  She had found happiness.  Someone who wants her, wants to have a baby with her, someone who loves her.  She's intelligent, strong, funny, outgoing, why not? I am happy for her.  It just discourages me even more.  My friend, Jen who already has a baby is getting married next year and I'm going to be the Maid of Honor.  My friend, Seth had his daughter about a year ago.  He wanted to have a child so badly and his happiness is complete as I see it on his face.  My friend, Alejandro, as much as a casanova he was back in college, he unexpectedly settled down with an older woman and had a child.  A child?! Him?? He was happy. When I thought a Taurus and a Scorpio can never make it together, here comes my friend, Andrea and was surprised with a proposal on stage.  A couple of years later they have lovely twins.  Age range 24 to 26.  I'm about to turn 26.  No real life yet, no husband, no man, no children. My sisters had all of these when they were my age... donde esta mi chance???

               I don't want to be 35 looking for a suitor at a sperm bank because of the fact i'm desperate for a child.and I haven't found a good man.  I'm so tired of starting over again with relationships.  I love them, but I hate that it takes years for the man to finally decide to propose and then possible a couple more years after that to finally decide to have children.  I'm 26! I DON'T HAVE FUCKING TIME FOR THAT!  As much as I love my "freedom" per say as a young woman, I've seen the ultimate happiness in my sisters' and friends' faces when they have them.  Their life hasn't stopped because of their children.  Their life actually stepped up a level in what living is supposed to mean.  Death, Birth, Rebirth.  Yeah, I have passions in life that have nothing to do with trying to have a family life.  However... I thought I'd be successful by now but my fucking depression always backtracked the hell out of my fucking goals.  My failures and constant heartbreaks in love disabled my soul and passions.  I'm trying my best this time to at least support myself on one leg and a pathetic excuse for a cane, here.

            September 1st.  I turn the page on my ASPCA calender and I see an ugly white ferret posing against a pillow as if it were one of those Victoria Secret underwear models.  This is what this month is going to turn out to be.  A pathetic, fucking rat animal.  I guess it was best suited for the month anyway.  I could've had an arrogant cat or a naive, ignorant dog  Yes, this describes my life this month at best.  Another broken heart.  Another fucking WASTED YEAR.  I'll be alone again.  I'm not celebrating my birthday this year nor am I contemplating to acknowledge that 2012 has arrived.  I really do hope it's the end of the world.  It seems like everyone else has fulfilled it better than I had.  I just have constant dissapointment.  Unable to fucking fly off my feet but just slightly and momentary hover over the cement and then just abruptly and on cue fall on top of a pile of rusty, sharp nails.


 I just hate my life.  I hate it with an immense passion right now.