Balloons

As I carried my friend's one year old boy on my shoulders, I reminisced about the time when the floats were so amazing that I didn't think there would be anything more entertaining. As children, the smallest even most insignificant activities kept us occupied, happy and entertained. Now a days we resort to drugs, alcohol, sex, pornography and the list goes on. Not that I'm complaining about any of those, but it sucks to think about how much energy it now takes to keep our attention into focus.

I partially find my entertainment through astrology and today it pinpointed something that has also been bothering me for a while. Self-Worth. How is it measured? How is it defined? I thought I knew, but I'm honestly not sure I have always thought I was worth a lot. People say to me, looks aren't everything. And its true, but I never thought I was even significantly pretty regardless of how many compliments I get per day by people who don't really matter to me. I grew up in an environment full of criticism and as a kid I didn't take that lightly. Even through jokes, which is a family gathering tradition, I just never got why people had to be so mean. Of course by this time around I take criticism constructively and take jokes about my imperfections pretty well. Of course, like everyone, we become our own worst critic no matter how many other critics you got pointing the finger at you.

So yeah, I don't think I'm pretty. And, not to be misunderstood, I don't only mean physical looks. I've done my share of vices but I'm trying really hard to break old habits that feel good but aren't necessarily good for me. I can pinpoint so many reasons why I am the way I am, but I really hate pointing the finger, myself and blame others for my defects.

I'm still young and have a lot ahead of me like I'm often told. And I believe that. If I already feel like I've lived a lifetime, that means I still have time to be happy.